Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
