I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
