i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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