doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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