yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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