Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
