She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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