Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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