Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
