please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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