glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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