Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
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Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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