Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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