I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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