And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
