I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
