going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
