He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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