We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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