foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
