I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
