Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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