a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
