So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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