either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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