mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
