Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
