Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
