i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
