Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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