whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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