And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
