So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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