i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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