I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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