Whatcha textin bout Willis?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
