looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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