my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize