I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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