mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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