i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
