i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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