Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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