i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
