i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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