when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
