I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
