I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
