Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
