So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
