I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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