it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
