guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i think i just lost a toe
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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