I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
