but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
