Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
