This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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